Establishing a drinking problem is easier than you think… thanks to a bottle of Bintang and a 5:18am start.

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Have you ever reached a point in your life where you’ve just stopped what you’re doing and asked “well, how did I get here?” (Some one should so write a song about that….)

You just wonder at what point did your life degenerate into such a filthy quagmire that drinkng before the sun is even up becomes not only a viable option but a damned attractive one?

I should set the scene before you conclude that I’ve finally slipped cheerily into the arms of alcoholism…

Yes it is 8:32 am. And yes I am indeed drinking beer. I would like to say in my defence that I don’t have any choice. You see, the day started for me with dear Felix barking his lungs up across the hall and then deciding that if he was awake - everyone should be and thusly shouting at the top of the lungs that I had previously believed had been coughed up. This all happened at 5:18am.

THAT IS STILL NIGHT PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I tried to go back to sleep. I really did. But it’s so hard when an 18 month old child has the uncanny ability to make noises that would put large gardening machinery to shame. And I’m talking stump-munchers here. So finally because I guess he felt sorry for me (and possibly because it didn’t look like I was going to ever get up) my husband rose to attend to the noise disturbance and left me in bed. I still couldn’t go back to sleep. I dozed. In between the thundering of toddler feet on the wooden boards in the kitchen and the sound of plastic-ware being reefed out of the cupboard and thrown at any object containing the most capacity for echo and reverberation.

So I got up. reluctantly of course. And now that I’m up, my husband has decided that he needs a bit more sleep so has returned to bed, (aw diddums!), and my son has eyes that look like piss-holes in the snow and is clearly exhausted so I’ve packed him back off to bed too… leaving me alone and having had only one coffee.

And as everyone is sleeping I can’t make another one because the grinding of the beans would wake people in the next suburb let alone people the next room.

It’s too early for anyone to be on Facebook.

There’s no way I’m cleaning at this hour.

So, I feel I have been left with only one choice: to drink a beer alone and whilst still in my pyjamas.

Bintang. An Indonesian Pilsener. Nice. Quite dry. Curiously refreshing at this hour.

In fact if any of you are considering alcoholism seriously, then I would definitely recommend this beer as a nice starter for you. Goes down quiet easily first thing in the morning.

There’s nothing really remarkable about this beer other than the time at which it is being consumed. But it’s good and I would have it again.

Possibly even at this hour.. if fact I’m enjoying it so much I’m considering making this part of my routine - screw the second coffee! I’ll just have a pilsener thanks!

And welcome to the hazy, neurotic world of drinking problems Jems…